Friday, November 18, 2011

Costello Buys A Computer

to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. 
For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on...

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sk etch, 'Who's on First?' might have turned out something like this:

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks I'm setting up an office in my den and I 'm thinking about buying a computer.


COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.


COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?


COSTELL O: For my office?


COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?


COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue 'W' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? Do you have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. At no extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?


(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on 'START'…….

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Moneybag Years

Chinese numerology and Feng Shui for 2011
§ This year we are going to experience four unusual dates: 1/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/1/11, 11/11/11, and that's not all;
§ Take the last two digits of the year you were born and the age you will be this year and the result will add up to 111 for everyone!!!!
§ This is the year of MONEY.
§ Also, this year, October will have 5 Sundays, 5 Mondays & 5 Saturdays. This happens only once every 823 years. These particular years are known as Moneybag years.

22 Ways To Be A Good Democrat

Someone sent this to me back in 2008... some things just don't change...

22 Ways To Be A Good Democrat

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on

 2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and
governments create prosperity.

 3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans
are more of a threat than U.S. Nuclear weapons technology in the hands
of Chinese and North Korean communists.

 4. You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding.

 5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by
cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by
soccer moms driving SUV's.

 6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being
homosexual is natural.

 7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of
federal funding.

 8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach fourth
graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about

 9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but
'activists' who have never been outside of San Francisco do.

 10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than
actually doing something to earn it.

 11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own
money to make 'The Passion of the Christ' for financial gain only.

 12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain
parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports
certain parts of the Constitution.

 13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too

 14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are
more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas
Edison, and A.G. Bell.

 15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial
quotas and set-asides are not.

 16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very
nice person.

 17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked
anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in

 18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail,
but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.

 19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag,
transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and
manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

 20. You have to believe that illegal Democrat Party funding by the
Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United

 21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right
wing conspiracy.

 22. You have to believe that it's okay to give federal workers the day
off on Christmas Day but it's not okay to say 'Merry Christmas'.